Losing oneself
by Leonie1988
Summary: Solan didn't die, but Gabrielle and Xena separated anyway. Will they persevere?


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**Losing oneself**

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**.**

Solan lay in Xena's arms, looking up at her.

"Solan, are you alright? Did she hurt you?"

"I'm fine, but you should really look out for that girl, she is dangerous."

"I know Solan, I know. I just have to convince Gabrielle of that and that won't be easy. I'll take care of Hope, I promise you."

Gabrielle stood just outside the door, listening in on mother and son. She bit her lip at Xena's words. Xena knew nothing, she didn't understand. How could Gabrielle have been sure that Hope was really evil when she was only a baby? Xena wouldn't have killed her either if the roles had been reversed. Despite all the hatred Gabrielle felt for Xena now she knew Hope was evil to the core and that she had to die, but if anybody did that it had to be herself.

Gabrielle stole a glance around the corner, where she saw Xena hugging Solan closely.

.

The flames burned high and the sparks flew even higher into the night sky. Gabrielle stared into the pile without blinking. She stood all alone outside, to witness her daughter's funeral. Xena hadn't even shown up. Now nothing held Gabrielle at Xena's side anymore. She didn't need Xena and Xena certainly didn't need her now that she had Solan. The only solution Gabrielle could think of was to leave town. To leave and find her own way.

Xena observed Gabrielle from the distance. She knew Gabrielle would leave her. She saw it in the way she walked and looked. There was not a single thing Xena could do about it and really she wouldn't be really keen on trying it even if there was. Gabrielle's betrayal and lies were still too fresh.

Xena bit her a silent goodbye and returned to the Inn were she discovered Gabrielle's stuff already gone. Only two scrolls and her cooking pan remained.

.

Gabrielle travelled through the foggy, dark night. The sky was cloudless and she could see millions of stars shining down on her. Had it been any other night, she and Xena would have fought about whether some formation looked like a wheel or a horse.

Her first destination was Ofrynio, a small but prosperous town a day's travel away. She chose a route which Xena would never take. She didn't want to take any chances of running into her.

She arrived in Ofrynio late the next day. A few kids were still playing out on the streets and their parents were mingling around, bringing in firewood for the night or drinking at the local Inn. Gabrielle decided to get a room and not camp out, because in her experience new towns always brought trouble. She paid for her room in the "Traveler's Inn", which also served as the towns tavern, unloaded her stuff and got herself a table. She would need many alcoholic fluids tonight, that much was certain. She had to drown away the day's events. Whenever she saw a child anywhere, she immediately thought of Hope and how she had nearly killed Solan and how she herself had to kill her own daughter in return. Thinking about it tore her up inside.

Upon arrival all the eyes in the pub were on her. She saw a family sitting at a centre table having a meal and a group of young men drinking at another in the far corner. Taking note of every person in the room and their possible intentions was the first thing she did. Normally she would leave it to Xena to assess their surroundings, but she was well capable of doing it herself. If Xena even knew?

She chose a table at the side from where she had a good view of the room and were nobody would be able to sneak up on her.

She ordered two drinks for starters…

Her eyes scanned the room again. She had two more drinks, so she had to concentrate more to read the people around her. She caught the eyes of one of the young men. He had been ogling her for a while now and it was getting on her nerves. She looked away quickly, but she knew it was too late. He stood up and walked over to her table. He seemed smug and very sure of himself.

"Good evening, may I buy you another drink?" he asked.

"No thank you." She answered with a steady, but still friendly voice.

"Oh, I'm sure you'll change your mind if I also sit here with you."

"No really, I still have my drink and I'm perfectly happy here by myself."

He ignored her answer and sat down opposite her. She rolled her eyes inwardly and started to say something when he interrupted her.

"What's you name beautiful?"

"Really I'm not interested. I just want to be left alone." She gestured for him to leave.

He started to say something, but she was already so fed up with him, that she threw a few Dinars on the table and left the pub. Way to spoil her road to oblivion.

She knew he'd follow. Those kinds of guys always followed. And of course she was right. She was barely out the door when he stumbled after her.

"Why are you leaving already? I wasn't finished talking to you." He half yelled and grabbed her arm.

That was the only thing she had been waiting for. She grabbed his whole arm with her other hand and threw him on the floor. Bastard just didn't listen. He was looking for trouble and she felt better right away. He jumped up again quickly and looked really angry.

"You little daughter of a Bacchae, you will regret this!" he screamed angrily and rushed forward only to be thrown right back onto his bottom.

"No, you will." Gabrielle said calmly and kicked him. He was out cold in seconds and Gabrielle was a bit disappointed. A good fight would have been nice now to let go of some of her pent up energy and rage. She looked down at the man and shook her head. A couple of years ago she might have found him attractive and would have fallen for his slimy manner, but after so many hours of waiting for Xena in some Tavern, she could easily spot a douchebag when she saw one.

.

She considered going back to her room, but instead she bought a wine skin from a little shop that was still open and headed off into the woods were she knew a little stream to be. She sat down on a rock and just looked into the water while sipping at her wine. The events of the last couple of days were rapidly catching up with her and with anger and all her might she threw a stone into the woods.

"Hey owww!" she heard a small yell. Apparently she had hit someone without even noticing it and even worse she hadn't paid enough attention to her surroundings or she would have known someone was out there. A figure stumbled into the small clearing and held his upper arm.

"What in Tartatrus?" he asked when he realized Gabrielle was watching him.

"I'm sorry I hit you, that wasn't my intention." Gabrielle told him and got up from her position on the stone to have a look at his arm. She pulled up his sleeve and saw a mark forming were she had struck him. "That isn't too bad, should heal over in a couple of days." She remarked and looked the man into his eyes. Just now she realized how good looking this guy was. His blue eyes looked into hers and he smiled.

"It's fine, don't worry about it, I was just caught off guard. What are you doing out here so late?"

She turned away and sighed.

"Just trying to forget."

"Oh I see." He said.

Gabrielle waited for him to say something, but nothing came.

"And you?" she finally asked. Now he had sparked her interest.

"Same."

Gabrielle's eyebrow rose and she turned back around.

"Really? What are you trying to forget?" she asked. Maybe she could forget about her own problems if she listened to his problems for a while.

"It's hard to forget if I tell you now, wouldn't it?" he challenged and she laughed a bit.

"That's true, sorry I asked. So we are not talking about our problems. You want a drink?"

He smiled "Sure."

She handed him her skin and they sat down together on the same rock she had sat on earlier. They sat in a comfortable silence for a while. This man without name had a strange appeal to Gabrielle, maybe it was because he was a stranger and the small danger it brought with it. Or maybe she was just alone and needed another human being. Anyway, when he took her hand in his and stroked it lightly, a shiver went through her body that she hadn't experienced in a while, a feeling she had last had on her wedding night.

She turned to him and looked him deep into his eyes.

"Would you…" she started, but he interrupted her with a kiss. A small kiss that lasted only a few heartbeats, but it was exactly what she needed.

An unwelcome thought came to her mind. What would Xena think of her now? But immediately she was angry at herself for the need to have Xena's approval for this. She was a grown woman after all.

He felt her mood change. "What is it?" he asked.

"Think nothing of it. It's about the thing I came here to forget." She smiled and moved in for another kiss, this one was more heated and lasted longer than the first. She moved her other hand underneath his linen shirt.

"Wait." He stopped her a bit breathless. "We don't have to do anything. I don't even know your name."

"I know, but I don't care, if you don't?"

He smiled at her. "My name is…"

But before he could finish she closed her mouth over his again and continued what they had started.

.

Gabrielle felt shame-free and a lot better than a few hours earlier. They had spent the night by the stream, forgetting about their problems and just getting lost in each other. They both knew nothing would come off this little adventure and that was fine. Just at dawn Gabrielle returned to her room. Her things lay untouched as she had left them.

.

Xena watched Solan as he played ball with a few kids his age. How happy she was, that he was alive. She had come so close to losing him. That was all she could think about now and the person who had caused it - her long time traveling companion Gabrielle. The betrayal had cut deep and though she knew she had demanded a lot from her when she had told her to kill her newborn she thought Gabrielle had understood. She thought she knew that it was the only way. Why hadn't she just trusted her? Because of her foolish feelings Solan nearly lost his live.

It had been many days since Gabrielle had left. Xena had briefly considered returning to the road as well, but she had a lot of things to catch up on. Her relationship with Solan was on top of that list. Another thing was… she didn't know where to go without Gabrielle, but it was way too early to admit that to herself.

.

Gabrielle had travelled on from Ofrynio after a few hours of sleep and a bath. She wanted to make sure she wouldn't run into her mysterious stranger, because that would have been really awkward. She had stayed on the road for a good two weeks before she had to restock the bare necessities of life in a town. Her days were spent thinking and writing. The writing was very hard, her hands kept shaking and the words came out sounding ordinary and boring, but with each scroll she filled it became more natural again. She decided writing was her therapy and she had to give credit to Aphrodite for pushing her in the right direction. She had shown up one night at her campfire and told her with sweet words that she had to get rid of her anger or she couldn't move on. Wise words from a person Xena always rolled her eyes over. Aphrodite was one of the wisest 'people' Gabrielle knew. Of course as a god she had some more time for that than a mere human, but nevertheless she got underestimated too often.

Gabrielle wrote about old adventures but not in her usual way, but more to shine a light on her own feelings and not Xena's heroism. She wrote about how it had felt to be kidnapped to become the bride of Morpheus and not how Xena had saved her in the end. She wrote about the story she told Iolaus when he nearly died, while Prometheus was enchained and not about Xena and Hercules rescuing the world. She also didn't leave out the feelings she had when she kissed Iolaus or how he lied about having heard her story. Gabrielle wrote about how it felt to turn into a Bacchae and not how Xena had defeated the evil god Bacchus. In all her old stories she had always included her own experiences, but this time they were the sole focus and it was easier to write these knowing nobody would ever read them. They were like her private memoires.

Nearly a moon after she started traveling, she ran into her first mayor troubles. The occasional thieves and idiots she defeated were no real trouble in her opinion.

She had arrived in a middle sized town named Feres which was located close by the sea and its location was perfectly situated between two bigger trading towns, so it had many transients who stayed in Feres overnight. Apparently her reputation preceded her even without Xena, because she met a messenger who was sent to get her.

"Are you Gabrielle the Battling Bard who usually travels with Xena?" he had asked out of breath and barely able to stand still.

"That's me, why were you sent?"

"Merchants told us you were traveling in our direction and we desperately need your help! Of course we would have liked to have both you and Xena, but…"

"…I'll do?"

The young men swallowed hard, but nodded. Gabrielle looked at him for a second before she smiled and he visibly relaxed.

"I'll come as fast as possible. Maybe we could hurry to Feres together and on the way you tell me everything I need to know. You know my name, but what is yours?"

"Línos."

"So Línos, start walking and talking."

His story had started out like many stories like these. A warlord was blackmailing them into giving him their product and Dinars. Gabrielle found it even a bit harmless considering nobody was harmed yet, but that changed when he told her women started disappearing, apparently only married women, mothers and grandmothers. Six so far and they had been taken on two different occasions. Both times the women had gone out to get water alone or to wash their cloths at the river.

"Do you know the warlords name, Línos?" She asked him after some consideration.

"He is called Tasos the Rich, but not because he is so rich with Dinars, but because he has so many woman and children who travel with him and his men. People say the women are with him voluntarily." He finished.

"So he isn't turning them into more wives. He might be selling them into slavery, but then he would take the younger girls and leave the old ones." Gabrielle rubbed her chin lost in thought. "I guess I'll have to talk to him." Gabrielle decided and nodded, happy with her conclusion.

"WHAT? You… you can't do that, he'll kill you on the spot."

"Yeah, he can try, hehe - and it's not as if I'm just going to walk into his camp and ask him point-blank." Gabrielle laughed as she witnessed the boy visibly relax.

"Yeah, I thought so." He said and wanted to start walking again, when she interrupted him.

"I will not walk in; I will sneak in and scare him with my little dagger here." She revealed and showed him the said knife. Gabrielle had to laugh because he looked as if he was about to faint. Now she knew why Xena loved to torture guys like him so much. It's just too easy to pass up on.

They arrived in town two candle marks later.

"Do you have someone who speaks for the town, Línos?" Gabrielle asked the young and still shaken up man.

"Suuuure, that would be father, I'll bring you to him." Línos answered and gestured her to come with him.

They went past the towns Inn to a shop that appeared to be the town's herbal shop.

Línos entered first and held the door for Gabrielle open.

"Father come out, I have returned and brought Gabrielle, the Battling Bard with me!" Línos shouted and shortly after a tall man, who looked to about 40 summers old came into the main shop. He stepped around the counter and offered his arm to Gabrielle.

"It's a pleasure to meet you. We have heart so much about you here in this town that we knew you would help when you knew what happened here." He said.

"My pleasure. I don't need much before I leave, but I'm sure you can help me to speed things up."

.

Gabrielle let herself be filled in on the exact way the women vanished, how Tasos had threatened them and where they thought is camp was. She was back on the road faster than they could look. A man with the name of Sawas accompanied her to wait outside and give her a signal if there was trouble.

Tasos' tent was the biggest and best guarded tent in the camp which made it very easy for Gabrielle to spot. She had the guard unconscious on the floor in seconds and slid inside through a side entrance from where Tasos couldn't see her. He was engrossed in some scrolls which were rolled out in front of him. He was a small, but seemingly very strong man and he wore dark brown leathers. Not bad to look at, Gabrielle knew why he had so many wives without having to try hard. She calculated her best chances for a second and then went ahead and made her move.

With knife on his throat she warned him not to make noise.

"Don't say a word or you'll be dead before you can say the second." She said calmly. He nodded his understanding and she continued on.

"Now answer me. What have you done with the woman of Feres and don't even try to lie to me, it won't work."

He appeared to be complying so Gabrielle loosened the pressure on the knife a bit.

"They help out around here. You know I have fifteen kids and normally four wives, but a competing warlord, Makis, has taken my wives and now I couldn't take care of my kids anymore. I was only trying to give them a stable home!" he nearly cried and sacked in Gabrielle's grip a bit.

"You want to give them a stable home being a warlord? In what world are you living in? Kidnapping innocent women, taking them away from their own children I might add, and taking stuff from honest people is NOT stable." She released him slightly, turned him around, but kept the dagger at is neck. Now they were looking in each other's eyes for the first time. He looked surprised at who he saw in front of him.

"You are still close to being a kid yourself, what in Hades name are you doing here?" he asked perplexed.

"That's none of your business Tasos; I'm asking the questions here."

"I know, it's just… wait, are you Gabrielle by any chance?" he asked.

"Gabrielle of Potidaea." She answered reluctantly.

"Then you know Xena! You know I wanted to talk to her for a while now. I think I want to change my ways and she did it so do you think she'll help me?" he asked now obviously excited.

Gabrielle lowered her dagger and looked at him as if he had just stripped in front of her or grown a second head.

"You want to be a hero?"

"No no, I just want to settle down you know? Live on the road isn't easy with so many lives that I am responsible for. Please believe me." He said and seemed to be honest.

"Are you shitting me?" she asked skeptically.

"No Gabrielle."

"Then proof it. Release the women right now and sent them back to their homes."

"Now? But what about my kids? My soldiers are common men without families! They can't take care of them!"

Gabrielle considered that for a second.

"Let me talk to the women and I'll see what I can do. Do I have your word that you won't betray me? I may look young, but what I said about killing you quicker than you can look is true."

"You have my word."

Tasos called for a guard, but none came, he looked at Gabrielle.

"They can't hear you, but that's my fault. Don't be too hard on them." She said and grinned.

"Fine then, follow me."

He led her outside and many eyes were immediately trained on them. Gabrielle could hear the whispers more than clearly. Some thought he had chosen himself a new wife and others that she was a prisoner. One of the men who thought the latter approached her from behind and tried to grab her behind, but before he had even touched it, he had a bloody nose.

"Stay away from me." She said and Tasos turned to his men to explain.

"She is with me, anyone try anything and they can spend next winter on watch every damn night! Understood?"

"Ay!" they all answered and went back to what they did before. Tasos stopped in front of another big tent and entered.

The women inside, obviously the women of Feres, looked up to Tasos and froze in whatever they were doing. Most of them were either preparing food or playing with kids or trying to catch kids who went astray. The children on the other hand rushed over to their father and hung onto his legs and screamed his name in glee.

"Women of Feres, I bring you Gabrielle of Potidaea, she is here to free you and you may return with her, but first she wants to talk to you." He said and stood by the side.

Gabrielle turned to him "May we have a moment alone?" she asked and he nodded and took all of his kids outside.

She talked to the women who were all unharmed, but very happy for her to rescue them.

"It's good to see that you are all fine. Sawas of your hometown is waiting outside of camp. You can go to him, but I would ask one or two of you who are brave enough to stay here and take care of the kids until their mothers are returned. You would be paid well of course." She looked around the skeptic faces.

One woman spoke up. "Why would we do that? He kidnapped us and we should work for him?"

"I know it may sound really out there, but Tasos is trying to reform and before he can stop all this nonsense, he has to get back his wives from another warlord named Makis. Tasos? Would you come inside?"

Tasos reentered the tent and stood beside Gabrielle.

"Yes?" he asked and looked at her expectantly as if she was the warlord and he had just been caught taking a cookie from her.

"If two women agree to stay, would you pay them well and let them leave as soon as your wives return?"

"Great idea! I should have paid them from the beginning, right? Wow, this being honest thing is really hard."

All eyes in the tent went back and forth between Gabrielle and Tasos. They whispered back and forth until two stepped up and nodded.

"We will do it." One of them said. "We will stay if we get our own tent and enough Dinars."

"Whatever you wish."

Gabrielle clapped in her hands. "Perfect now that that is all covered…" she whistled loudly three times and only a short time later Sawas entered the tent to pick them up.

.

She stayed in the camp for the night, talking to Tasos to make sure he knew what would happen if he went back on his word, but also to hear what he was going to do to get his wives back. She was able to give him a tip here and there and picked up a new strategic move as well.

"Tasos, it's time I leave." She said standing outside his tent.

"Gabrielle. It was an honor."

"Even though you met me while I had a knife at your throat?" she asked and smiled.

"Yes. It's not often I meet such strong women as yourself."

"Thank you and I mean that. It doesn't happen often anymore that people surprise me, but you certainly did."

When she felt safe enough he would stay honest, Gabrielle also returned to Feres were most of her stuff still was.

She felt strangely proud that she had been able to resolve the town's problems without Xena AND without getting into trouble.

.

Xena started to get really bored. Being with Solan was great and all, but she missed the adrenalin. She missed moving around and she even missed camping outside and having fish for breakfast every morning for a week.

She sat outside on a stool, sharpening her sword for the millionth time, even though she hadn't used it for anything that it was made for lately.

Solan came over to her and sat beside her.

"Mom?" he said because he wanted to ask something. Xena really had to get used to this, because since she had told him she was his mother, he had only called her mom.

"Yeah?"

"Have you heard anything from Gabrielle?"

Xena's heart nearly stopped beating. Why was he asking about her? She had been so good not thinking about Gabrielle. Where she was and what she was doing. She probably went back home to Potidaea, Xena mused.

"Have you?" he repeated.

"No, why?"

"But I have!"

"What?" Xena doubled over.

"Well not me directly, but a merchant from Feres told us this morning, that she returned kidnapped women from the hands of a warlord and reformed him afterwards! Isn't that awesome! I hope she comes back soon, because I want to hear everything first hand and she wanted to show me a few staff moves. Only defense, don't worry." He blabbered, but Xena only half listened to the second part.

"Did they say where she is going next?"

"No sorry… but they did call her Gabrielle, the warrior bard! I want that too! Solan, the son of Xena!" he giggled.

That woke Xena up again "I wouldn't tell that everyone, there are a lot of people who don't know about you and I would like it if it stayed that way, ok? Here in town you can call yourself whatever you want. Deal?"

"Fine, but you have to think about contacting Gabrielle or I will." He warned with a smug smile and got up to follow a few of the other boys to go fishing.

So Gabrielle was not only still on the road, she was also continuing their work and there Xena always thought she was holding Gabrielle back from doing other things like being a bard full time. What had gotten into her? Xena had a bad feeling it was a repression technique. She herself had acted the same way after she gave up Solan and Gabrielle had just lost Hope who was evil, yes, but Gabrielle gave birth to her all the same and named her and fed her… Her companion was pushing herself to the limit to not have to think about their rift and the reason for it. Xena knew, because she was doing the same, only she looked for her piece of mind in maternal bliss.

.

Gabrielle sat on a rock in the middle of nowhere. She was lost. Even though she would like to say so, not everything went smoothly without Xena. This was the second time in two weeks she had gotten lost and now she was again waiting for someone to come by and tell her where the fuck she was. She was ill anyway and now this. She missed Xena. Her belly missed Xena even more, because even though Xena couldn't cook, she was a really good hunter and fisher and Gabrielle never had to worry about not having food. Now she had to settle on berries and nuts a little too often. She was about to give up and just walk a random path, when three people entered the clearing. Two men and a woman, all clad in armor, weapons drawn.

"Oh great." She muttered under her breath. She stood up, staff in hand.

"Just give us everything you own and we'll be on our way." One of the men said and took a step towards her.

Gabrielle actually considered for a second, but then she thought about her scrolls and how she would miss them and readied herself.

"Oh we have a fighter on our hands!" the female warrior said and approached. "Let me guys."

Sword in hand she approached Gabrielle and began to circle her.

Gabrielle waited. She analyzed every move she made to make up for the disadvantage of sword against staff.

Then she attacked. Gabrielle easily blocked her blows. They were easy to foresee and not too forceful. The warrior woman took one bad step and Gabrielle took the opportunity to hit her on the head with her staff full force. She was out like a candle in a storm.

The remaining men looked at each other, then their friend and then at Gabrielle.

"Ok, maybe we underestimated you. One opponent is too easy. Now deal with two!" and with those words they both rushed her. They were skilled too and fast on their toes. Not like so many common thieves who tried their luck with a girl who traveled alone.

In the heat of the fight she knocked out one of them and flipped over the other, using her staff. But as she was about to finish him he stuck out his arm, sending his sword brushing by her arm, leaving a gaping wound. She repressed a cry of pain and pushed her staff forward right into his nose making him scream and finished him off with a swing over his head.

As she was sure all three of them were securely tied around the nearest tree, she dared to take a look under her makeshift bandage. What she saw didn't make her happy at all. She had to see a healer. This cut had to be sutured and she couldn't do it with one arm. She went over to the female and slapped her across the face.

"Wake up."

The woman slowly came to and was slightly confused at first until she realized that she and her friends were tight up.

"What have you done you little whore!"

"I wouldn't call me names if I were you. I can sent you back were you just came from and worse in seconds."

A grumble.

"Very well. You will tell me where we are on this map and I will free you. If you lie… well you don't want to find out."

The woman pointed on a spot on the map. Very well. Gabrielle retrieved a dagger from the weapons she had taken from them earlier and put it between the woman's teeth.

"Free yourself. I just need a little head start."

And Gabrielle took off into the woods, now with a clear direction in mind. She ran for a while until her injury prevented her to do that and she walked the last part to the next town. The wound wasn't at all fatal, but it could get infected and that would take moons to heal. She was lucky the town was relatively close by; she had only traveled for about a candle mark.

.

As she sat, waiting for the healer her mind drifted to Xena and what she might be doing. She had heart nothing of her in all this time and that concerned her greatly. Even though Gabrielle was the one who spread the word whenever Xena accomplished something, a little bit would have leaked, right? So where was she? In Amphipolis? In the centaur village? Traveling with Hercules? She had considered sending word to Xena that she was fine, but her pride kept her from taking the first step.

.

After she had to promise Solan a hundred times that she would come back, and if she came back she, 'better bring Gabrielle otherwise she could stay away', Xena was traveling again and it felt good. Argo was more than happy to as well, because the occasional ride to the next town was not what he was used to. It was as if he was missing the adventure as well.

She had received word from Autolycus that he needed her presence (not help, he would never admit that). He had gone undercover to steal the king's crown, but he had done his job a little bit too well and now the princess loved him and the king wanted him to get married to her. What a mess. It was a long way for her though, the kingdom was far away from her starting point.

.

Alone, unmarried, with child.

Her mother had always warned her, but did she listen? For the most part of her life, yes. However ripped apart by sorrow and loss she had given herself to a complete stranger. Now she was pregnant and she hadn't even suspected anything. Sure, she had been ill, but that was nothing new, it happened when you slept outside on the ground, ate whatever you found that looked safe and swam in unknown rivers and lakes. She had felt so stupid when the healer had told her, she should have known. The signs were there, the sickness, then she was always tired and had a horses appetite. He had only wanted to check out her overall health because of her injury, but he had found out more than she had bargained for.

Gabrielle sat down outside the healers place and breathed in and out a few times. She looked down at her stomach. It was still completely flat. When you looked closely you could still see very faint old stretch marks from her last pregnancy, even though that one lasted only for a few days. Her skin got stretched so fast back then, that her tissue ripped in several places. Her eyes travelled further down and landed on her skirt. It was ripped open from one of the warriors and worn out that the once orange tone was now brownish and stained. Why not go and get a new outfit now, she decided, to get her mind off of things. She had worn these cloths for such a long time now and so much has happened since. She had killed, she was nearly killed and she had saved life and created it. She stood up, looked around and walked straight up to a seamstress shop.

Only half an hour later she came out, the lady would finish it for her that day and she could pick it up in the evening. She had chosen different shades of brown leather that were interwoven. And for the first time she even chose small pieces of real body armour, as well as a top she would be able to adjust in size… and the time would come she needed that.

A child… in her occupation? That really wasn't safe! But she couldn't imagine doing anything else. She didn't want to settle down. She liked the danger her travels brought and she loved fighting. Not hurting someone, but the act itself. She liked to stay fit and in shape, she loved sleeping under the stars or riding the night through atop Argo. Argo. She really, really missed the horse, even though they didn't always get along too well. But most of all, she missed Xena. She needed her best friend now, badly. All the bad blood between them felt unimportant now. Xena would surely find the right words to calm her down. She had been in the same position once, except of course Xena was leading an army and still had the father-to-be around. Of course Xena had handled it all in a way Gabrielle never could, Xena would settle her mind with her mere presence.

Gabrielle decided to spend her last Dinars on a map that would lead her safely to her destination; she wasn't going to get lost again. She was so close and after she completed her next maneuver she'd give her arm a couple of days rest. She pushed to the back of her mind that she had to figure out what to do afterwards altogether. Autolycus letter had reached her just two days earlier and she was lucky she was so close by. He didn't need help with warlords or thugs, but with a matter of the heart. That would be plain sailing for Gabrielle.

While she waited for cloths to be finished, she braided her hair to the back and then pinned it up so it wouldn't fall into her face anymore. Earlier in the fight exactly that had happened when she got injured and now that she had to take more care of herself she couldn't take those kinds of risks anymore.

.

Gabrielle arrived late the day after and met up with Autolycus to discuss their plan.

"Gabrielle my ever favourite gem!" he greeted her and pulled her into a big hug.

"Auto, hey!"

"What do I hear about you and Xena… you know, splitting up?" he nearly whispered the last part as if he couldn't believe it was true.

"Yes we did. No need to talk about that anymore though."

"No need to talk about it? Gabrielle, EVERYBODY is already talking about it. Nobody knows why, but they do say you are running around playing little Warrior Princes 2.0 and nobody has heart anything of Xena."

"I don't know where she is and I'm certainly not running around trying to BE Xena. I just keep on doing what I did for the last few years just without her by my side. It's working out fine so far."

"Right I can see that." He said and pointed to her arm.

"Well I was fighting three warriors. I think they were soldiers turned thugs or something. I'm alright I swear!" she started to get annoyed and he saw that.

"I'm sorry, I know you can take care of yourself. And I really have to say, your outfit suits you. You are hot." He grinned and knew that the charming had worked. She couldn't hide a smile underneath her angry set eyebrows and soon she smiled full out.

"Thanks Auto, I'm happy you like it."

"I like everything leather on a woman." He replied and stole a glance into her cleavage. She rolled her eyes and smacked him on his arm.

"Na na!" she said and laughed out loud.

After they calmed down, Gabrielle asked him what he wanted her to do to help.

"I thought you could come in masked and somehow get close to the princess. You know, be her friend, talk to her and stuff."

"I don't have to conceal myself; I'll just visit as myself, Gabrielle the Amazon Queen. But there is one thing you have to tell me. Why all this jazz? Why not just take off? It has never bothered you before." She said and watched him closely.

"Well I'll tell you, but don't let anyone know or my reputation will be ruined!"

"Fine, I swear."

"I feel really bad about what I tried to do. I like the King, I like Princess Lela and I really don't want to break her heart or disappoint him. I hoped you could help me do it in a more gentle way. So no one will get hurt."

"Well, she will get hurt in some way, I'm sure, but I get what you are trying to do and even though your intentions weren't the best, you are trying to make it right and that is what counts."

"Thanks for helping out Gab."

"My pleasure Auto, that's what friends are for." She said and he rolled his eyes.

"Great now the whole place knows we are friends and not lovers. I told you NOT to ruin my reputation!" he half joked.

.

After a week of travelling Xena arrived and immediately knew something was fishy. Autolycus was only half happy to see her, as if he hadn't really expected her and he seemed to have the situation under control. At least she didn't see any princesses running around him.

She sneaked around the castle grounds a bit, concealed as a maid and asked around carefully what the situation was, if the King was a good ruler, if they liked the man who had conquered the princess heart and if they knew any gossip.

She was walking into the gardens, when she saw something that left her breathless. There was the princess chatting happily with GABRIELLE! She froze in spot where she stood and didn't really dare to take the next step.

As if Gabrielle was a seer though she looked up and her eyes met Xena's. First her brow furrowed and the princess, who had her back to Xena, apparently asked her what was going on. Gabrielle answered and seemed to excuse herself, because afterwards she stood up and walked right up to Xena, while the princess, still oblivious, took off in the other direction and disappeared into the castle.

Gabrielle looked so different. She had a new outfit and wore her hair up and though it had only been two moons since Xena has seen her last she looked a year older and carried her whole body differently.

.

"Lela, there is someone I have to see, please excuse me." Gabrielle tried to smile, but it didn't reach her eyes.

"Sure Gabrielle, say Hello from me." Lela answered and left without another word. Gabrielle had told her about who she was and that she no longer travelled with Xena. Lela must have guessed who it was she had to go see.

Gabrielle's feet were heavy as bricks and her way to Xena took ages, at least that's what it felt like.

Xena hadn't changed one bit, she wore her usual armour, and her Chakram and sword were safely secured at her side and back. One thing though had changed and that was her face.

Gabrielle couldn't wait to have Xena back now that she was so close. She wanted all of their problems to just disappear and though she knew that they wouldn't she was going to do everything she could to make it work.

Gabrielle just couldn't control herself. When Xena was only a few feet away, Gabrielle rushed forward and hugged her deeply and with no reserve. When she realized what she was doing she pulled away and stepped a few feet back.

"Sorry, I was just so happy to see you." She said and lowered her face.

"It's ok." Xena simply said and tried to look Gabrielle in the eyes, but she was still interested in her boots. "Gabrielle, it's fine."

Then Gabrielle looked up and they stared at each other for a moment.

"We've got a lot to talk about." She stated than.

"I agree." Xena answered. "What is it that I hear, you are converting Warlords without me?" she further joked and got a small smile out of Gabrielle, which broke the tension a bit.

"Xena, I know that we both have many reasons not to be too fond of each other right now, but I realized something over the last couple of weeks." She started and tried to find her next words. "I can't live without you and I don't want to. I think our differences are mayor and I know they can't be forgotten so fast, but I think we should try."

Gabrielle was happy that she had been able to say everything she wanted to say and didn't back out at the last moment, but with happiness came fear, that Xena was not agreeing with her. Maybe Xena had been alright; maybe she didn't need her anymore.

"Gabrielle, I feel the same way." Xena answered instead and a huge weight was lifted off of Gabrielle's shoulders. There was hope!

"I spent the last moons with Solan and tried to tell myself that I had changed and that I didn't need you or the adventure anymore as long as I was with my son, but I found out how horribly wrong I was. I do need you."

They were both silent for a moment, trying to absorb what the other had said.

"We are on the same page then." Gabrielle stated and felt again the urge to hug Xena and tell her everything, especially about the human being growing inside of her.

"I guess we are, we just have to learn to trust each other again."

Gabrielle nodded and looked behind Xena, where Autolycus appeared.

"Auto, get over here you little scheming man." Gabrielle said and smiled.

"I really wasn't scheming anything; I just needed help and felt it was safer if I wrote you both so the chances were higher one of you would come." He smiled and hung an arm around Gabrielle.

"Gabby here was two days faster."

"I was around, that's all." She said and rolled her eyes. "and anyway, if there is the welfare of a kingdom involved I'm always in!" she added grinning a bit. "I love kingdoms!"

"Kingdoms? Not the prince of each kingdom?" Xena asked a bit amused.

"They take no part in that! This one doesn't even have one!"

"Are you two sure you are fighting?" Auto asked confused "You are getting along awfully well for being unable to travel together. Why are you fighting anyway?"

"You don't want to know." They said at once and looked at each other again.

Now it was Auto's turn to roll his eyes. "Yeah right..."

Xena decided to leave her maids costume behind and just be herself, considering Gabrielle was herself as well. The only thing they didn't do was to tell the royals what kind of connection they had to Autolycus.

.

She was strolling down a random corridor of the castle, looking for Gabrielle, who was supposed to meet her half an hour ago in the dining hall, when she heard noises from a connecting room. First there were several thuds, than something that sounded like punches, then some whimpers and a voice that was all too familiar as well.

She caught a guard who was about to walk in and questioned him with her special technique. It looked like someone found out that Auto was a fraught and Gabrielle was trying to free him.

With one solid kick she opened the door and was in the room. On the far wall Autolycus sat, bound to a chair, with several men around him and Gabrielle stood in front of Xena with her back to the door.

"Let him go or I will…" Gabrielle warned them, but she was cut short by the attacking opponents.

Xena joined into the fight alongside her friend, who was having a hard time keeping up with the many guards.

"Gabrielle!" Xena shouted to let her friend know she there.

"Xena!" Gabrielle answered and as she turned to look at her, a guard took the opportunity and sent her flying into the wall. This sent Xena in such a rage, that she knocked out the left over six guards, probably killing half of them with the force she was using.

As she was sure they were done, she freed Autolycus and ran over to Gabrielle, followed by Auto, who sat down beside her. She pulled Gabrielle into her lap, but the warrior bard was still out cold.

Gabrielle's mind was floating like oil on a water surface. Her bodily weight was non-existent and she felt free without pain and responsibilities. Only as she felt something on the back of her mind reminding her where she was and that she could never feel this way during a fight, she slowly fought her way back to consciousness. As she opened her eyes, she first thing she saw were blue orbs staring down at her, concern written all over them, the second thing she felt was a stabbing pain in her lower abdomen and she cringed.

"Xena."

"Gabrielle, what is it, are you in pain?"

Gabrielle looked over to Auto, who had stood back up.

"I'm fine. Autolycus, please make sure they haven't called for reinforcements. We can't take any chances."

She waited for him to nod and leave the room, before got quiet and just looked at Xena with big eyes.

"What is it Gabrielle?"

"Xena, I'm pregnant and I think I'm losing it right now."

The pure shock on Xena's face was evident, but she lost no time in laying Gabrielle flat on the ground and then she started scanning her stomach with her hands.

"Xena, I…" Gabrielle started to explain, but Xena stopped her.

"We still have time for that, please just relax right now. Does it hurt?"

"I have cramps and I think I am bleeding." Gabrielle stated and she let a tear slide down her cheek. She had wanted to stay strong, but she already knew what had happened and even though this pregnancy couldn't had come at a worse time, she had already loved this child to no end.

"I'm sorry Gabrielle, but I think you're right. The blow was too hard." Xena said after having examined her more closely.

Despite her hunch, Gabrielle was devastated nonetheless. She fell deeper into Xena's arms and cried out loud. Xena held her tightly even when Auto came back with the king and princess, who had been unaware of their corrupt guards and the on-goings in the castle, she still clung to her companion and best friend.

.

Growing more impatient by the minute, Gabrielle started attacking a nearby tree with her staff. Xena has been taking her sweet time getting Argo ready and Gabrielle was stuck waiting for her outside the castle with their bags. Knowing the tree had no part in her ennui; she sat down against it and inspected her staff. It was scratched all over and the dark spots on the bottom were not all dirt, even though she hoped so. Some of it was surely blood. But at the top, where she held it, it still had it's nice auburn colour. When she had killed Hope, she had attached a red ring to the top of it, to always remind her of the past. Now a blue one had joined the red in memory of her unborn, lost child. Even though she had come to peace with it in the time she and Xena had spent at the castle, she still felt a deep sorrow within her.

She was only twenty summers old and she had already lost two children. That really wasn't fair and no matter the circumstances, she felt betrayed by the gods, because she hadn't been able to spend a single happy second with either of her children.

It was time for a second weapon she decided as Xena finally made her way over to Gabrielle. Her lack of attention had caused this and a she would make sure not to endanger Xena or herself again because of it. She needed something more dangerous than her staff or at least something in addition to it.

"There you are, I was getting…"

"…annoyed?" Xena asked as she pointed out the dents in the poor tree that had been in Gabrielle's way earlier.

"Yes." She just stated and got up from the ground. "What was taking you so long anyway?" she asked Xena.

"Argo, she gets annoyed if she goes on a journey without a full stomach and you know how big her stomach is."

"Oh, I know all too well. Let's get started, before it's getting too late. I want to get to the next town tomorrow to purchase a second weapon." Gabrielle sensed that Xena wanted to argue, but she beat her to it. "Don't argue with me."

Xena wanted to, but knew that Gabrielle needed a distraction from what had just happened to her and maybe learning a new weapon wasn't all that bad. "Sure."

They smiled at each other, as they walked along the dirt road straight into the forest.

"It's good to have you back Xena."

"Same and it's good to see you safe."

"I think I have proved that I can take care of myself if need be."

"Oh I never doubted that!" Xena said and put on an innocent smile.

"Yeah right." Gabrielle rolled her eyes playfully and without warning leaped into the air and landed behind Xena on Argos saddle. She clasped her arms around Xena's midsection.

"I never showed you that!" Xena said astonished.

"Well, still waters run deep." Gabrielle just said.

"That sentence will never catch on." Xena laughed and together they rode deeper into the woods, only a few birds listening in on them.

.

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**.**

**That was it for now, I hope you enjoyed it and if so (or not) please let me know, so I can do a better job next time :) What that means? Please review!**


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